A Secret Journal
by Yoshi89
Summary: Hiei is keeping a journal type thing against his better judgment. Kurama has a secret he wants to reveal. Amusing mishaps and embrarising misunderstandings. Some parts are dark. Rated Mature for Language.HxK NO LEMON. CHAPTER IS 9 IS UP!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or it's characters. I just make fun of them by writing this little story.**

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Warning: Contains some naughty words.****

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Kurama: Will you please just get on with the story?**

**Hiei: I don't wanna be in a psycho fanfic written by a deranged female hanyou.**

**Yoshi: ….Hiei look!**

**Hiei: No. It's one your tricks to make me look away so you can escape my wrath.**

**Kurama: I felt like I should say something because I've been left out. Heehee**

**Yoshi: …yeah it is. It's just a brick wall with a painting of ice cream on it…**

**Hiei: SWEET SNOW! WHERE!**

**Yoshi: I'll tell you if you be my evil henchman.**

**Hiei: WHATEVER! WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS MY SWEET SNOW?**

**Yoshi: That way! Hurry before it melts!**

**Hiei: I'M COMING MY SWEET SNOW!**

**BOOONK (Hiei just ran into a brick wall with sweet snow painted on it)**

**Yoshi: lol**

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12-13-05

Dear Page,

Actually, I'm not addressing to anyone in particular. I guess I'm addressing this notebook page. This may sound really retarded to you, but in my opinion it sounds better than " Dear Diary" or " Dear Journal" or something sissy like that. So if you have problem with it, fuck you to hell.

I have no idea why I'm even writing in damn notebook. Well, I lied, I do know why but I hate the reason. Let me guess, you want me to write down the reason, right? Feh. That basterd, Koenma, decided that our team needed a health examination. Our health exam was on our physical and mental health. Well, In the words of Kurama, I passed the physical examwith flying colors. But the damn psycho doctors couldn't decide to fail or pass me for the mental exam all because I was too frikkin quiet! First off, I hate doctors. Secondly, I hate people anyway (with a few exceptions). Thirdly, I prefer not to talk to people. Why should I talk to them? I hate them all anyway, so why bother? Besides, it amuses me to be able to wipe that smug look they have on their faces. So they decide to help me get through my "problems". 'We think it would be best if you expressed yourself in this notebook.' They said. 'Write anything at all!' they said. 'Fill it with your feelings, your fears.' They said.'Please share your world with us!' they said. How fucking lame can you get?

This pretty much sucks. The thing I would like to do most right now is to use my Dragon of the Darkness Flame on those damn doctor's asses.That would teach them not to butt into other people's business. And I would do it too, but I rather not have Koenma send me to Limbo (not that I couldn't kill him).

I hate my job. I go around and stop demons from committing crimes, sometimes slaying them too. I guess I like the killing part, but I would rather join the criminals than be that damn Koenma's slave. I don't even really like the people I work with.

First, there is Botan. She is the Spirit Detective's assistant and the pilot of the River Styx in Spirit World, and most ningens know her as the Grim Reaper. What the hell is her PROBLEM? Why the fuck is she always so bubbly? She is constantly annoying me. Everything that comes out of her damn mouth, it annoys me.

Of course, then there is the mighty airhead leader, Yusuke Urameshi. Well, Yusuke is okay at times. At times, I even have some respect for him. But like I said, he is somewhat a bit of an airhead and quite frankly, he kind of gives me the crOh, and he is a half demon.

On the other hand, Kazuma Kuwabara, Yusuke's best friend, is a ningen. And I hate him. No, I lied, I LOATH him. Not only is he the most annoying creature that has crawled in ANY of the three worlds, he is also the most idiotic. I wish to see him die a slow and painful death, and then I would come and set his grave sight on fire so I could keep his memory alive by dancing on his ashes. But I wish even more that he would stop hitting my sister, Yukina.

Yukina doesn't work for Koenma, but she supports us. She is one of the few people that I can put up with. Not that I like her that way, like I said before, she is my sister. But I will never tell her that I am her brother. Don't ask why, damn it! It's a secret.

I forgot to mention that Yusuke is also Genkia's student. I don't hate Genkia. All I see of her is that she a powerful shriveled old hag with an attitude problem. I have some respect for her.

And if there is one person I can really put up with, it has to be Suichi Minamino. But everyone calls him Kurama and the name for his true form is Youko. Kurama is a spirit fox with a human body. Let me guess, you want me to explain why Kurama is a demon with a human body, right? Go screw yourself. I know it's fucking confusing, but deal with it. I don't feel like explaining it. He and I were and still are partners in crime. Oh, and yes, he is _the _Legendary Bandit Youko, and he is _not _dead you dumbass. That damn fox could probably convince me to do anything, and I mean anything. Damn Fox.

But why am I telling_ you _this? Stop reading this, damn it! ...Screw you. Fuck this, I'm turning in.

Hiei


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. I just own this story. But maybe we all can own anime characters; I mean they don't have copyright laws in Japan, right?**

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12-14-05 

Dear Page,

Yeah. I'm actually writing in this damn thing again. Bet you think I'm writing in this thing again because I like you. Well, fuck off.

I talked to the baka gang earlier today. Apparently all of them passed their health exams. That damn Kuwa_baka _ningen, asshole kept going on about shit like, 'Why did we have to take those lamo tests, huh?' and, 'Whoever so did not pass those exams are so lamo. Complete retards.' So I obviously kept quiet. Why the heck would I tell the basterd that I didn't pass? The asshole would probably be on my case like that one winter when that Kuwabaka licked that pole. I have sworn to myself to never tell anyone about this notebook. But I think that damn fox suspects me.

I guess its okay for Kurama to know, because I know he can keep a secret. The only thing is that he most likely, no, I lied, he _would_ nag at me and force me to tell the others myself. It's like the way he keeps insisting that I tell Yukina that I am her brother. Kurama would never tell anybody himself (I guess he said something about he is afraid to betray my trust and ruin our friendship.), but I'm positive that he would bug me all the time about it. Damn talkative fox.

Those damn psycho doctors called me earlier, the pesky fuckers, and said that my first psychiatrist appointment is tomorrow. First off, you can never spell psychiatrist without psycho. Secondly, the exams were just yesterday, so why is it so god damn soon? And they want me to bring my notebook. Why the fuck should I bring it? It would only motivate the fuckers!

You know what? Fuck you! Fuck you all to hell! Night, basterd.

Hiei


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or their characters. I just manipulate them.**

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**I would like to take the time and thank those people that have reviewed without me asking them.**

**Rikku Jaganshi, Black Water-Fox, and Deannamay**

**Thank you so much!** w

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12-17-05

Dear Page,

I know it's been a few days since I have written in here. I was busy, okay? Jeez, what more do you want from me? Do you have a problem with me being fucking busy? Go screw yourself to the seven pits of hell.

Well, I went to that damn meeting. It was so fucking screwed up. They called and asked me to be there at 9:00 am, so, being polite as I possibly can, I get there five minutes early. Then the hag at the desk gave me a shit load of paper work and forms to sign. I finished them damn paper crap at fucking 9:49 am, so I asked the hag if I could see this damn psycho doctor fucker so I could be on my way. The hag I could see him in a moment. I was finally let in to see the basterd at 1:59 pm. What is there to say about him? Hn. Well, he is three times my height (and I am four foot and ten inches without my hair, so do the math) and 60 times my weight. Oh, and his name is Dr. Anuswholee. No really, that is the fucker's name. I think he knows two words. They are, "hmmmmmm….." and, "ohhhhhhh…aaaaahhhhhhhh…..ohhhhhhhh…..mmmmmmmm". What a god damn retard. He spent the whole time reading and rereading my notebook. He didn't even look at me! I left that fucking hellhole at 6:01 pm. What a waste of my day.

Kurama came to see me yesterday. He said that he has been really worried about me lately and wanted to spend some time together. Why the hell should I care if was worried? The thought of that makes me a little nervous. He was worried about me? Then he started asking these really weird questions like, "Why are we here?" and, "What is the purpose of our existence?". He was really scaring me and I didn't know what he was trying to do, but I couldn't stay there another minute. I'm starting to suspect that he is having problems of his own. Now I feel bad, because I fled. Maybe I should have stayed near for a little longer just to hear what he was going to say. I just wish he would make some sense sometimes. Foxes, what strange creatures.

-Hiei-

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Yoshi: Sorry it's so short!**

**Hiei: I take offense to that.**

**Yoshi: Hoped you liked it anyway!**

**Hiei: Hn.**

**Yoshi: Get your butt out here and say it.**

**Hiei: Hn.**

**Yoshi: Oh, come on! Say it.**

**Hiei: How about over my dead body. Does that work for you?**

**Kurama: Once again I am being ignored so I feel the need to proclaim that I am here by just speaking. And I find that the argument taking place above is highly amusing.**

**Yoshi: grrrrrr...If you don't say it, I'm never giving you sweet snow ever again.**

**Hiei: sigh Fine.**

**a cursing Hiei comes outwearing a pink and bluesailor suit and holding a lollipop**

**Hiei: Thank you so much for reading, we really apperciate it. And please review. Thank You!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or its characters. But I have fun playing with them.**

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Thank you so very much for your reviews. They really motivate me. **

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I would like to present you with something new. I decided to do this at last minute, so I apologize beforehand if it sounds strange. Thank you. **

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December 17, 2005 

To whomever it may concern,

I apologize to the person reading this letter that I have not started this sooner. I have my reasons though, so I ask you not to be alarmed. I was just busy at the time and had my mind on other things and was in a temporary state of shock.

I suppose it started when Lord Koenma requested that we should have a medical examination, testing both our physical and mental health. Needless to say that I passed the physical examination with flying colors, however I did not achieve up to expectations on the mental examination. According to the doctors I am not insane; it's just that am very depressed and maybe a little suicidal. I really don't know what to believe. I am the great bandit of Makai, and I have seen many unpleasant things. Like the day Kuronue died. It hurts so badly at times, sometimes I wish I didn't have feelings or these nerve racking memories. Sometimes I wish I wasn't even born. Maybe I am suicidal.

I guess I lost my head over these thoughts for almost a week. These dark thoughts of mine are making me really depressed, so I guess needed a friend. I am confident that Hiei is having very similar problems, because Hiei has been acting even more strange since we were last met up with the guys. If I remember correctly, Kazuma Kuwabara was twittering on about the medical examination and how he had gotten perfect scores. Hiei was just scowling the whole time. Judging from his reaction, I would have to say that Hiei had failed the mental because it would have been impossible for him to fail the physical examination. I can't know for sure if my theory is true, because of Hiei's pride, he would never admit it.

I went to see Hiei yesterday. I do not know why, but I wanted to be with him. I guess I wanted to let him know that he wasn't alone. That I will always have his back. I wanted to tell that I failed miserably.However, when I was going to tell I suppose that I overdid it. My depression took over and started asking the most peculiar questions about life. I fear that these might have made him extremely nervous, because he then said, "What the hell are blabbering about, fox? Hn. I have no time for this crap. You are hopeless." And then flitted off. For the very first time in my life, I felt like an idiot.

I really am hopeless. Incase you have not noticed, I wish for a lot of things. I wish I could be different in Hiei's eyes. All he sees is a deadly fox disgraced by a human shell, and his partner in crime. I wish he could see the real me, his closet friend, always ready to fight with him, no matter the obstacles or stakes, for anything at all. That is my greatest desire.

Sincerely,

Suichi Minamino

aka: Kurama

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Yoshi: Thanks for reading! 

Kurama: Hooray! Not only am I mentioned and I supposedly wrote this, I'm finally in the conversation!

Hiei: Hn.

Yoshi: Hoped you like it! If you have any suggestions, my email is You are a baka.

Yoshi: I love you too.

Hiei: What! I never said I loved you!

Kurama: It's called sarcasm Hiei.

Hiei: Oh.

Yoshi: Anywho, please-

Kurama: May I do the honors?

Yoshi: You may.

Hiei: Hn. Baka Kitsune.

Kurama: Please Review! They are much appreciated! Thank you!


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or the characters of Yu Yu Hakusho, but if find them appealing.**

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Thank you guys for reading! Please keep reviewing! xx

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I'm sorry for not updating for a while, but things have been reallybusy at home! Please forgive me!

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**WARNING: This is a yaoi, or gay guy story. If you're not into that type of thing, please leave.**

**No Lemon, just Fluff.

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12-19-05

Dear Page,

Yeah, I know. Shut the fuck up.

Anyway, I ran into Kurama today. He said that wanted to apologize about what happened the other day and to know if I was okay. Why the hell does he put me through this? I told him to forget about it, and I wasn't okay and I thought he needed to mind his own damn business. He looked away for a moment as if he was thinking. Then he turned back at me with those eyes watering up. He then said to me, "I understand what you're saying, Hiei. I guess I am being a bit nosey, but I wish you would open up to me more, as your friend." Tears began to streak that silky skin of his. Right then, I felt really horrible! Just seeing him like that made even me want to cry. I didn't mean to make himso upset. Before I knew what was going on, my hand reached to brush away his tears and then whisper how sorry I was. I don't tell anyone I was sorry! Ever! At first, he was shocked. After I removed my hand, he gave a warm, comforting smile as if to say 'Thank you, Hiei'. Then he turned around and strolled off, humming some sort of ningen song, leaving me standing in the middle of the path without some much as a good bye. God damn it, that fucking kitsune confuses me so much!

Anyway, I have another appointment with Dr. Anuswholee. I do hope he actually speaks this time, or I will be forced to rip out his voice box. Oh yes, and this time it's a "group meeting". In other words, it means being in a room full fucking psycho pathic weirdos there to share their feelings and problems. I swear on my life, I will make sure that Koenma will die a slow and painful death with plenty of torture and misery. And did I meantion how much I really, really, really, really, really, REALLY don't want to go?

Oh shit, the guys are heading this way and are looking for me. I wonder what the hell do the want. Later.

-Hiei-

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Yoshi: thanx for reading! 

Hiei: I hate you.

Kurama: Do not listen to him.

Yoshi: Why do you hate me?

Hiei:...

Kurama: He wanted to take me to bed.

Hiei: grrrrrrrrrrr

Yoshi: Sorry Hiei, but no lemon in this fanfic.

Hiei: Why?

Yoshi: Because I said so.

Hiei: Fuck you.

Kurama: No!

Hiei: Why not?

Kurama: Me!

Yoshi and Hiei: huh?

Yoshi: OH! blush

Hiei: Okay!

Hiei carries Kurama out of the roombride style

Yoshi: uhhhh...Oxo; major sweatdrops

Random Pink Bunny named Mr. Tibbles: Please Review!


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. I wish I do own them, though.

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**I apologize for the fact that I have not updated in a while. School started back up, I've been writing a long chapter (longer than I have done lately) and I lost my notebook where I write my fanfic. So I'm really sorry, okay? ;p**

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**WARNING: THIS IS A YAOI. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT LEAVE. NO LEMON, JUST FLUFF.**

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This chapter is not funny, it is dark and bloody. I will make it up to you in the next chapter. Just warning you...

A Secret Journal

Chapter Six

December 20, 2005

To whomever it may concern,

I once again apologize for not fulfilling my duties and not writing in this notebook recently. Again, I have dealing with new problems that arise in daily life. Or should I replace the word "problems" with the word "disaster"?

I suppose it started out only three days ago. My younger brother was elected as president of the student council. I'm really excited for him! Because of this important task, my brother now comes home really late or is hanging out with his new friends. Well, I really hate to admit it, but I guess I'm a little jealous and a little lonely. It makes me sad sometimes, but I guess I'll learn to get over it.

Anyway, since my little brother was staying late that evening and Hiei has been avoiding me, I walked home alone. Well, I came home a tad bit early. I strolled through the door and was going to greet my parents, but was silenced by the yells of argument. I guess it's natural for couples to bicker; no relationship is perfect. But I really couldn't help over hear them about things like not having enough money to support my brother and me and things along those lines. Thinking it not best to bug my parents at that moment, I decided to go start my homework. Just as I turned to leave, my ears picked up my human mother's bloody scream. Father was hitting my mother. I….I couldn't move. Blood soon splattered the floor around my mother, patterned like rose petals. I just stood there. I wanted it to stop, but my body wouldn't allow me. I did nothing to prevent it or to stop it. I guess father was caught up in a bloodlust ad snapped out of it, because he was begging for mercy. I guess he said that he was going to get the first aid kit, but I didn't hear him. Finally, they took notice of my presence. They were talking to me, but I didn't know what they were saying. It was as if they speaking in a completely foreign language of some sort. I stepped into the room where my mother's bloody petals lay, looked at them for a moment, and then proceeded to my room to start on my homework. And that was that.

Since our last meeting, I guess I've been worrying over Hiei more than usual. He hasn't seen me in a few days (and it has rained a lot and Hiei hates the rain so he normally comes to my house!) so I proceeded to look for him. Besides, I wanted to apologize about the incident the other day. Of course, I did find him in his favorite tree at the park. Obviously, I apologized for the incident and asked if he was doing well. He said to forget about the incident, which I'm quite relieved, but paused for a moment on my question. Then I asked again, and he responded, "No. But it's none of your fucking business, Fox Boy. Why in the hell should I fucking tell YOU? Do you think you're special? Do you think that you're better than everybody else? No! Then why in the hell are asking me as if it was your god damn job to know? You're always sniffing that button nose into other people's fucking business, and it's fucking pissing me off! GOT IT?" I was surprised. What he said hurts, but what hurts even more is how he said it. And it is true! I guess I went into a flash back mode, because I remembered what happened to my mother the day before, and decided that Hiei's rejection hurt even more. I apologized for my rudeness; I just wanted to get out of there. His eyes held coldness, and it made me feel miserable. I felt so miserable, I started crying. I wanted to go home; I really didn't want Hiei to see me like this. Then I felt something soft brush against my face and I look up to see Hiei wiping away my tears. "Please don't cry, Kurama. I…I'm sorry. I...I didn't…mean it. I guess I've a bit…snappy lately. Don't cry. It's alright. Everything will be okay, you'll see." Hiei kept cooing to me. Hiei was cooing? Once again, he really surprised me. Even though Hiei really didn't know what was going on in my life right now, I knew he was right. I would get through this, hopefully with Hiei. I'm so grateful that I still have him. I knew it was getting late, so I left, but I think I forgot to tell Hiei goodbye, because I was to busy humming a song I know from this anime (called Fruits Basket) and the song really fitted the mood. It was called Sky Blue.

Oh, just today I got a call from Dr. Anuswholee. He is my very creepy psychiatrist. Anyway, it seems I have another appointment coming up. This time it's a group meeting. I hope I will make some new friends! And I wonder who else will be there.

Well, I guess it's about time I turned in. Yusuke wants me to meet him at the park at 6:00 tomorrow morning, and then I have the group meeting to attend to. So, goodnight!

Sincerely,

Suichi Minamino

aka Kurama

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**Yoshi: Thanks for reading! **

**large googoo eyes**

**Yoshi: Pwease review! pouting girly tone**

**Kurama: eyes light AWWW! SHE'S SO ADORABLE!**

**Hiei: Hn. I hate adorable.**

**Kurama: Can we keep her?**

**Yoshi: Like HELL you will!**

**Hiei: Nobody wants a pathetic kitten.**

**Yoshi: HEY!**

**Yoshi towers over Hiei**

**Hiei: Uh Oh.**

**Yoshi: glomps**


	7. Chapter 7

Yoshi: First off, I would like to apologize to my loyal readers for notupdating recently. I had gotten myself into a tight spot and I didn't know how to start off with a new chapter. (Don't you hate that when that happens?) Secondly, I've been coming up with new fanfic ideas so I may do a new fanfic. Thank you for reviewing. It makes me think that my work only sucks a little; but for those who don't review, shame on you!

Kurama: Yeah, you tell them Yoshi!

Hiei: Hn.

Sesshomaru: I, the great Lord Sesshomaru, shall not allow my lower, halfbreed brother, Inuyasha to escape.

Kurama: Well, hello Sesshomaru!

Hiei: Hn. Who the hell is Inuyasha?

Yoshi: um… I believe that you're in the wrong fanfic, Sesshie san.

Sesshomaru: Damn it, I am. Now I can't kill Inuyasha.

Kurama: Hey, I know! Why don't you say the disclaimer!

Yoshi: That's a great idea!

Hiei: Hn.

Sesshomaru: **Yoshi does not own Yu Yu Hakusho or Hiei and Kurama for that matter.**

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Yoshi: Oh yeah! This is very important! **This chapter is very unique from all my other chapters, because they are not journal entries.** It is a random tape recording of the "group therapy" session, and as I promised it is much funnier than the previous chapter. 

**R1 is Random person number 1**

**R2 is Random person number 2**

**R3 is Random person number 3** (These are the characters. You may recognize some

**R4 is Random person number 4** of the characters, but I'm not telling you which ones.

**R5 is Random person number 5** You will just have to read it.)

**R6 is Random person number 6**

**R7 is Random person number 7**

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-----12/21/05--------6:30:15 a.m. --------Random Tape Recording--------------- 

R1: OMFG! I'M GONNA DIE!

R2: ….blah!...I love blood!

R3: grrrrrrrooooowwwllll!..._tap dance._

R1: OMG! NOOOO! TAP DANCE IS GONNA KILL ME! AAHHHHHHH!

R2: I kill tap dance.

R4: Why do I even bother?

R3: I think I love you.

R4: Keep the hell away from me!

R2: I like hell.

R4: If either of you takes another step closer, I'll send you to hell. And you won't enjoy it, but I will.

R3 and R2: YAY! WE'RE GOING TO HELL, WE'RE GOING TO HELL!

R4: I give up.

R5: I'm surrounded by imbeciles.

R1: I'M DIEING!OMG, MY BLOOD IS BROWN!

R5: Those are what I like to call chocolate chip cookies.

R1: OMFG, CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES ARE DEVOURING MY SOUL! AHHHHH!

R4: I'll shove those cookies ten inches down your throat if you don't shut the hell up!

R5: That's not very nice- HIEI?

R4: How the hell do you know my-OMG, KURAMA? WTF ARE YOU DOING HERE!

R3: Where the hell have you been all my life, gorgeous?

R4: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO KEEP THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!

R5: To put it simply, I too have failed Koenma's mental examination.

R4: HOW IN THE SEVEN PITS OF HELL DID _**YOU**_ FAIL IT?

R5: Hey! Don't get all huffy puffy with me! That examination was not based upon intellect. Why did you fail?

R4: Hn.

R2: What is it like to live in a constant state of stupidity?

R3: …..Scrumtralascent whipped creamy sparkly delight!

R4: Oh, alright. I was too quiet. And you?

R5: Well, I um…..eh….ah…..uh………..nnnnnnnn……..

R4: WILL YOU SPIT IT OUT ALREADY, YOU GODFORSAKEN FOX!

R5: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

R2: HEY! YOU'RE ONE MEAN ASSWIPE!

R4: AND WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR POINT?

R2: Will you marry me?

R4: …wha?

R3: NOOOO! HE HAS TO MARRY ME!

R1: Why doesn't marry all of us?

R2: That's a great idea!

R4: I'M NOT GETTING FUCKING MARRIED TO ANYONE!

R5: (giggles) Look who is Mr. Popularity!

R4: Zip it fox. So why did you fail?

R5: …….Just having some difficulties back home at the moment. Nothing I can't handle.

R4: ….What kind difficulties?

R5: Nothing to be concerned of, koorime.

R4: …..Kurama, you're lying.

R3: Oh, Oh, I love to lie!

R1: NOOOOO! Lying is naughty!

R2: I would love everyone to die right now.

R5: I'm fine. Really.

R4: Hn.

R6: Hello everyone.

R1: OMFG! HE IS GONNA KILL US ALL! OMFG, I'M GONNA DIE!

R6: No you are not. I'm your doctor. I mean you no harm.

R1: ………I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

(The sound of breaking glass, then kersplat)

R6: Holy crap, he did die. Miss. Tina, Patient 981036954569873301.9651305 had just committed suicide by jumping out of the 65th floor window. Could you call up one of those people that clean up dead bodies?

R7: Sure, Dr. Anuswholee. Isn't he like the 600th one today?

R6: No. He's more like the 899th one.

R4 and R5: I'm surrounded by psychopaths….

R6: Okay people! Let's just get this over with.

------------------End of Recording---------------------------

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**Yoshi: Please Review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! Sorry for not updating in a really long time, but I have been busy, I had a mind block (several of them), I've been making amvs (all posted at under my username YoshiNiko89), and I have been coming up with new fanfic ideas. So again, I apologize for the long wait. I usually do write down my stories in a notebook, but for now on I'm going to do it freehand because it saves time and paper. Thank you.**

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December 22, 2005

To Whomever It May Concern,

Many things have occurred to me since I last entered in this notebook. I really do not know to begin. I suppose the best place to start is at the beginning, eh?

As you may know or not know, Yusuke had requested that was to meet him at the park before my appointment. As you may have guessed, being the polite friend that I am, I waited for his arrival without complaint. Apparently Yusuke and Kuwabara were planning on throwing a Christmas party at Genkia's temple, and wanted to know if I would attend the affair and, if so, ask Hiei if he wanted to participate in the festivities as well. Naturally I promised I would go. I'm so very excited!

Well then, after my little meeting with Yusuke, I naturally had to my appointment. Unfortunately, as I presumed, the people there were completely barbaric. Well, except for one. As I had assumed from his previous behavior, Hiei attended this appointment as well. But the most amusing thing that happened is that everyone purposed to Hiei! I bet that Yusuke would get his kicks out of that! I still can't get over it, it's too hilarious. Also, one of the patients committed suicide by jumping out the window at the appointment as well. I don't understand. Everyone was in a state of shock when that happened, but I had a sense of …longing? But why? I do not understand…

Later that evening I went home so I could help my mother with dinner, like a good son would do. I feel bad that she has to loom over a hot oven all day when I get to run around all day, doing nothing of real importance. To my surprise, my mother ordered take-out. My mother had NEVER ordered take-out before, so I knew something was amiss. Sometimes I hate it when I am correct. Silence. Absolute silence filled the room as we ate dinner. Yet again, I was shocked. Communication was floating about the room at dinner time. My parents would normally have small-talk about work or my brother and I or even about the current news. But not tonight.

It was my father who broke the eerier calmness of the table. He announced that he wanted a divorce. I could not believe my ears. He wanted a DIVORCE? But why? The news was much unexpected, even for my mother's ears. An argument abruptly broke out over the calm, yet pleasant dinner table, and I all I could do was sit and watch. Eventually my mother said something that obviously hurt my father's pride because my father said, "SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU FUCKING WHORE!" as his hand contacted to my mother's cheek. I could not bear what he did to my mother (I suppose that my Yoko side toke over) because I pushed him back and saying something along the lines of keep away from my mother (I used language that believe that I learned from Yusuke or Kuwabara). I should have just gone to my room. The next thing that I can recall is the throbbing pain coursing through my body as I lay on the floor and my mother's voice begging my father to stop. Then my father dragged my mother to their room and did something I would rather not have to think about. I wanted to break down and just cry, but I-I couldn't. Not even when the sounds of a squeaking mattress, my mother's screams, and my father's panting and moaning filled the air like the music from a carousel. I then remember getting up, and going down the hall past my parent's room and into the bathroom. I felt a very peculiar feeling when I grabbed my father's razor. It was like holding my own soul in my very hands when I dragged the blade across my wrist. It didn't hurt; in fact, I didn't even feel a thing. I feel rather calm, at peace as I see blood drip to the tiled floor.

I guess that is all that has happened to me as of yet. I guess it is my time to turn in. Good night and goodbye.

Sincerely,

Shuichi Minamono

Aka: Kurama

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**Yoshi89: Sorry for the long wait, but I will make it up to you.**

**Hiei: Uh huh. Sure you will.**

**Kurama: Of course she will. What else she do?**

**Yoshi89: I do feel bad for not updating for uh...a really really really long time.**

**Hiei: Hn. Whatever.**

**Kurama: Please Review, Thank you!**


	9. Chapter 9

**_First off, a person with the name/penname Tori sent me a review and asked a couple questions. I can not find this person so I am just going to answer them now._**

**_Q: How did Kurama's father strike him down so quick? Wouldn't Kurama be able to fight back a little more?_**

**_A: Kurama did fight back, and it did last a while longer than Kurama wrote because his father hit him in the head to hard (probably banged Kurama into the wall really hard a few times). Kurama did not write this down because he did not remember it (because he was hit really hard). Does that make sense?_**

**_Q: What kind of carousel has music like that?_**

**_A: A demented, creepy one._**

**_I hope that has helped Tori (and the rest of you guys out)

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**Yoshi: If you guys have any questions, comments, or suggestions, please email me at YoshiBaka89 at hotmail dot com. That be my email! **

**Hiei: Hn. You are a baka.**

**Kurama: xgigglesx**

**Yoshi: Oh yeah? Well you go out with a girl!**

**Hiei: Huh? I do?**

**Kurama: HIEI HOW COULD YOU! xstorms off, cryingx**

**Hiei: Kurama! HEY BUT I DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!**

**Yoshi: Geez! I was only teasing him on his feminine features; I didn't mean to hurt his feelings….**

**Hiei: you….WHAT? xruns at Yoshi with katakana unsheathedx**

**Yoshi: EEEPPP! xruns awayx**

**Kagome: Huh? Umm…Where am I? Oh well! _DISCLAIMER: Yoshi does not own any of the characters. Yoshihiro Togashi does though. And I am owned by Rumiko Takahashi. -_

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12-23-05

Dear Page,

Yeah, it's me again. Well I went to that damn psycho meeting, and Kurama was there! What the hell is up with him? He was so distant. It frustrates me so much! WHY COULD HE NOT FUCKING TELL ME ANYTHING! THAT BASTERD WAS ACTING LIKE HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING TRUST ME! IT'S NOT FAIR! WHY! Why can't I be more like him? He is I can't even tell him the truth. I could never. Not even in this fucking notebook.

Kurama came to talk to me yesterday. He asked me if I want to go to this ningen celebration called a Christmas party. I said yes, only for one reason. I wanted to be near him. And no, I'm not going mushy! I saw scars on his wrist, and he smelled of blood. Now normally I would look this over (seeing as we fight demons all of the time) but he only smelled of his own blood and judging by how the scars were shaped, I believe they were not ones from a katakana, or any other kind blade I know of, but self inflicted. Besides, he was acting rather….weird. I would have asked, but I couldn't. I think I was afraid.

GODDAMN IT! WHY IN THE FUCK WON'T HE EVEN FUCKING TRUST ME!

I think….No. I know that I! …..NO! I am the forbidden child. I do not deserve it. I can't even utter the word! I am forever forsaken. No one does feel for me. NO ONE! DAMN IT ALL. Should I? Should I tell him that? Should I show Kurama? ……No. He would NEVER, …would he? …. Why? …..Why do I…do I….WHY IN THE FUCKING HELL DO I LOVE KURAMA!

hiei

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**Yoshi: What did you think of that?**

**Hiei: WHY IN THE FLIPPIN HELL DO I SOUND SO MUSHY!**

**Kurama: WOW! That's soooo romantic!**

**Hiei: O.O Really?**

**Kurama: Yes silly.**

**Hiei: xwhispers to Yoshix I'll let you live….for now.**

**Yoshi: Thank god!**

**Kurama: Please Review! -**


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